Life Behind Bars by Linda Tweedie

Author:Linda Tweedie
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Fledgling Press
Published: 2011-10-15T15:28:20+00:00

“I’m sorry” he said “I couldn’t get giant Yorkies!”

Quizzical . . .

The average pub quiz is a bit of fun on a dreary winter’s evening which no one takes very seriously and is an excuse to get away from the wife and kids. That is except for the ‘Quizzers.’ These are teams of intellectuals who never miss a match and are normally sourced from the Social Work Department or the local primary school. Their teams have Latin names that not even they can pronounce, and they consume half a lager and a packet of crisps between them, that is until they win first prize when it’s brandy and coke all round. So intent are they on their quizzing, that if a particular pub caters for the hoi poloi, they will not deign to enter.

So, most of our quizzes were beneath their contempt which suited us fine. My punters had very few brain cells between them. Some of them even thought a GCSE was a make of washing machine, and by the second half were usually too pissed to write. They had team names like ‘The Dogs Bollocks’ and ‘All Fannies are Round.’ Referring of course to that well known malapropism by Johnnie Craddock.

But we did cross paths; you see we were in the League. How we ever qualified I will never know. Maybe the last incumbent slept with someone of importance. Perhaps money had changed hands. Or maybe, they just needed to make up the numbers. Whatever the reason, we were in the League and there were inter-pub quizzes into which we were obliged to enter a team. These quizzes were held monthly in a variety of establishments and they were catered.

Now we were definitely fourth division in the quiz tables, but when it came to the catering we were absolutely top of the Premier League and thus the only reason ‘The Nil Desperandum’s’ and the ‘Quo Quid Pro’s’ would grace us with their presence.

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